Shaguffta Pattel
By Bhairavi Jaiswal
Born on 15th August 1973, on a day that holds great importance for India gaining Independence, Shaguffta Pattel is a fiercely independent woman herself and an admired successful multipreneur. She is the co-founder of ASPIRE, an entrepreneurial, business, and lifestyle magazine in the GCC region, and an Image Transformation Specialist whereby she offers personalized sessions to CEOs, executives, students, and individuals seeking to empower themselves through holistic transformation.
Her birthplace is the city of opportunity, Mumbai. Growing up in a conservative muslim environment, she was more protected than pampered. For company, she had a brother who was younger by three years. A petite, naïve, and timid girl, she was educated in a nearby convent school. A common phenomenon those days at home was financial instability. The simple pleasure of going out for a family dinner was a luxury that rarely came by. It eventually instilled in her to believe that maybe marriage was her privilege to freedom and a better life.
For a girl who grew up to be an obedient and disciplined young woman, she was unaware of the different ways of the world. In 1992, she got married at age 19, while she was still pursuing her college degree. With a daughter born within their first year of marriage, she took a sabbatical for a year and then returned to studies to complete her graduation.
The nuptial moved her to a small city Belgaum (now Belagavi), Karnataka. Her belief of what marriage would allow her to be and feel was left in the doldrums with the reality that presented itself.
The first time she and her husband had a misunderstanding, he raised his hand on her. Not only was she shocked with disbelief, but she was also questioning what had become of the beginning of their relationship. She could feel a void brewing in her married life that she could not comprehend or counter.
An Unanticipated Fate
In their fourth year together, she decided to question the reason for this issue. A young mother with no guilt or wrongdoing had to undergo something unthought of. She was subjected to domestic abuse of extreme brutality. The trauma of such a repulsive act resulted in her being emotionally, mentally, and physically hurt. Her condition was unimaginably extreme, so much so that her parents had to come down the next day to take her and her daughter back to Bombay. She couldn’t eat for days, and recovery took weeks.
Weeks led to months, and there was still no contact from her husband. Eventually, friends and family convinced her to return home to him. Gathering her emotions, she traveled back with her brother-in-law and his wife, who was in Mumbai for her delivery, hoping things would get better between them.
While the initial weeks brewed nothing but a lull in their relationship, it slowly led to rebuilding their communication. Then in 1998, she gave birth to their son, and the union started to seem to get normal. Only she knew the reality better. Outsiders seemed to pry less, considering that things seemed smooth now. Then, in 2000, another major incident of domestic brutality occurred, and again she decided to leave, this time with two children in tow.
Over the years, the circumstances had changed, considering her children were growing up. This time, her husband had a change of heart, and within three months, he came to bring her back home. The societal norm and pressure ensured they wouldn’t give up on their relationship. Earlier, they lived in a joint family. However, this time around, they had shifted into their own apartment. She got busy being a homemaker, regaining ‘normalcy’, helping with the business, and raising their children.
Even though the marriage continued, the relationship was bleak and void of joy. There were multiple instances of gaslighting, yet she worked hard on the marriage and never gave up. Yet, deep down, she knew something was amiss.
The Dreadful Episode
To any mother, there is nothing dearer than her children. She had raised her kids with abundant love and support. They were exceptionally good in academics and extremely well-behaved. She wanted to raise them to be open-minded and explore all that she couldn’t as a child and took every step to ensure they were independent. While on one side, her efforts were gentle, her husband was austere in raising their children, who by now had started showing symptoms of rebellion and unrest brewing in them.
It was 2010; she shudders over an engraved memory of an incident. “It was a normal school day, and with the internet taken away (as a way to control my freedom), our daughter had gone to an internet café for a school assignment. She entered home an hour or so late from her regular arrival time. That day, I witnessed the most torturous incident of my life.”
Her daughter was brutally beaten up behind closed doors, and so was her son. With no fault of theirs, she had never felt this helpless ever before. At that moment, something snapped within her, and she knew it was the limit of all she had borne over the years. The man she had so deeply loved had not only failed her as a partner but as a father too.
The Ultimate Departure
“At age 37, with two children aged 16 years and 12 years, I walked out of a toxic marriage,” she says, her voice still carrying the trembles of the fear she felt at that moment. What followed was a bombardment of questions and opinions about how she would be able to fend for herself and her children single-handedly, given that she had no work experience, bank balance, no security of maintenance or alimony, and also age was not her best ally.
Enrolling her daughter in college and son in school, she admitted herself into an Executive MBA Marketing program that her aunt (whom she fondly called ‘mitthi maa’) funded. Slowly she started paving her path while battling all the challenges that divorce, re-adjusting to a new life, and the non-supportive society threw at her.
Soon, she had to make another difficult and heart-wrenching decision, considering her financial state; that of moving her son back to Belgaum to his father. It was tough to stay away from her child, but she had to ensure he secured good education.
Picking up the pieces of her heart, she went about building a resume to apply for jobs that she was clueless and directionless about. “For someone with no work experience, I didn’t know where to start from or whom to ask. My first interview lasted about two minutes, but it didn’t dishearten me. The second one was better, and the third one helped me get my first job”, she said as she trailed down memory lane.
Her journey made her transverse through different challenges. For an introvert and shy person, she had to meander her way through with immense effort. Within three months of getting a job, the office shifted to a distant location where she had to now travel 4-5 hours a day to and fro, changing three modes of travel one way. The hunt for a new job began, eventually leading her to an opportunity with Femina magazine, a Times of India group publication. “I was an avid reader of the magazine, and now to be a part of the edit team was an extremely ecstatic moment for me,” she beamed. Her profile was of a post-production editorial assistant, where she worked for almost three years.
She also encouraged her daughter to pursue her dreams. “My daughter was pursuing arts and simultaneously did a course in graphic design. While she managed to get a job, she was not content! Together we identified her passion, and she maneuvered the path toward becoming a makeup artist. This created resistance in the family, but I knew I had to stand my ground to support her”.
“Her certification landed her a job with MAC cosmetics, and within three years, she was promoted to manager. Today, she is growing in her industry and has worked with leading beauty brands such as Sugar and Nykaa,” says this mother booming with pride. At the same time, her son graduated as a mechanical engineer and is now presently in the USA pursuing Masters in Industrial Engineering which is almost near completion.
Today, people compliment her on how well she has managed to raise two fine children!
The Journey to Success
While fulfilling her role as a mother, she never deterred from her personal path of growth and evolvement and her quest for personal happiness. As though this wasn’t enough, her father suffered a brain stroke followed by a diagnosis of an intestinal tumor, and her mother was diagnosed with cancer. It was an emotional rollercoaster all throughout. All along, she tried to identify with herself better and sought answers no one could satisfactorily provide.
“During mom’s chemotherapy, I had a strange conversation with the pharmacist. She mentioned a book, ‘The Journey’ by Brandon Bays, and suggested I read it. Who would have thought a stranger’s reference would become another turning point in my life!”
Once she read the book, not only did she reconnect with herself, it also helped her gain momentum and confidence in her decisions. During her tenure with Femina, she finished MBA in marketing with a great ranking, but strangely enough, did not want to take it up as a career. “It did not excite me, and I knew this was not my calling. And still, I had no clue what is it that I would love to do. It was then that I came across Image Management and enjoyed it immensely. One thing led to another and I constantly upgraded myself through multiple workshops and certifications.”
Today she is certified in modalities like NLP, Hypnotherapy, mBraining, Reiki, Pranic Healing, AFT Quantum Healing, Access Consciousness, and Body Whispering. She is also the first and only Goulding Method™ Trainer and Coach in the Indian sub-continent, whereby she empowers parents of kids between the ages of 0-12 years to raise happy, confident children.
Her journey transformed, 2014 marked the launch of her company ‘Change with Renaé’, symbolic of ‘Being Reborn’ with a new life. Her company is all about transforming the lives of individuals desirous of living a consciously better life. She is also planning to start a center in UAE very soon.
She thoroughly believes that growth is an evolution and not a stagnant measure. “One of my favorite quotes is by Bob Dylan – the moment you stop growing is the moment you start dying. Over the years, I learned that an investment in the self and growth comes foremost; the rest follows. It surely pays back manifolds.”
When I asked her how her journey helped her move overseas, she said, “I got an offer from a friend as an admin for his Dubai office. That venture closed within a few months, and then I got hired as a People Development Specialist at the International Centre for Culinary Arts (ICCA). It was a challenging role considering that I had to train students from small cities and towns who had never stepped out. From being an introvert who didn’t know how to give an interview to coaching students for interviews with a 100% success rate, life had done a complete 180 degree,” she recounts.
They say opportunity knocks at your door, and it is up to you to receive it. During peak Covid, she quit her job to co-found and handle the complete editorial of an upcoming business-lifestyle magazine in the Middle East! Two and a half years later and with 27 editions published, here she is as the ex Chief Editor and now PR Directorof ASPIRE, a leading entrepreneurial magazine in the GCC region.
The Present
It’s been thirteen years since she walked out of a failed marriage. Contemplating all that has happened over the years, she said, “When I was undergoing a divorce, I had numerous people who questioned my decision and termed me selfish. They made me believe I was not thinking clearly about my children’s future and was being foolish as I would not be able to survive starting afresh at age 38.”
She added, “I came across a line I read that has remained with me till date, ‘You can’t serve from an empty bowl’. In hindsight, the bowl was me! I was so empty that I realized I couldn’t do anything for my children or anyone else. That is when I decided to take the most difficult step, towards self-love and change.”
Was it destiny or a choice?
To overcome, grow and build through such hardships is not an easy feat. Albeit, motivating yourself to break the barriers, the norms, and the orthodox beliefs is what makes a wholesome difference. Unfortunately, thousands of women face such perils, and more so. It is undoubtedly a situation you never want to undergo. However, taking the first step today will empower you and help you realize that there is a world out there for you to inspire and love.
“We may be born with a destiny, but the choice is entirely ours to change it,” concludes this changévangelist for whom the journey has only just begun.
